A Week and Half Later…

It’s been a week and half since I deactivated Facebook so I thought I’d do a progress report.

Interestingly, I’ve found the sense of relief of not deciding whether “to share or not to share” stuff has made internet surfing more fun.  I check through the news, but just to keep up with the world without it coming pouring across my screen endlessly.  Although I enjoy watching people’s auditions on the various talent shows, I can enjoy it and go one without feeling on obligation to let the world know how good it was.

Since I’ve not been on FB, those hours have been spent working on projects around the house (the sewing room is almost done!), listening to Joshua read, studying the curriculum I’ll be teaching to our church youth this year, and generally enjoying the  “politics free” environment I’m not living in.  I’ve found I’m feeling more at ease.  This morning as I was driving home from town I thought about how much I haven’t even thought of FB, yet realizing as well how much it had invaded my life.

Now, lest someone think I’m living an un-connected life, let me assure you I have one social media outlet–Instagram!  However, I’ve made it a private account so that I can be very selective and keep it from getting out of hand like FB did.  I have many wonderful friends and acquaintances (let alone family!), but trying to keep up with the 200+ people on FB was a fail and I don’t have any illusions about Instagram being any different.  So, if you follow me on Instagram, don’t be offended if I don’t “follow” you back.  It’s just that there are certain people I want to be sure I don’t miss–like my nieces and nephews whom I love, but live too far away to see often.  Instagram is my picture into their lives and I’m grateful my sister-in-law and oldest niece are so good about posting photos and comments.

The other neat thing about Instagram is that there aren’t any ads–nothing popping up on the sides that makes me cringe or try to aim the screen away from general viewing lest my 9-year old comes into the room.  Today he saw a quick video Steph had posted of Tate.  We watched it several times and then Joshua asked if he could scroll through the other photos.    I realized, with great joy, that I could let him do that!  There would be nothing on there that he couldn’t see.  In fact, he saw a quote posted by the USCCB from Cardinal Sean O’Malley, “The face of God is merciful.  The face of the Church must be merciful.  We must be the face of mercy.”  Joshua’s response?  “Wow!”  It gave him something to think on worth thinking about.

I’m not suggesting Instagram is perfect, but I am glad to have a fun bit of social media I can enjoy without it taking over my life or bringing things into my home I don’t want.  And I’m rather proud of myself for taking this step and doing something concrete about becoming “the best version of myself.”  (Thanks, Matthew Kelley!)

I Finally Did It. I Deactivated FB

There have been times in the past when I’ve thought I should perhaps try to seek out a Facebook Anonymous group (except FB requires you to identify yourself, so I’m not sure how that would work).  Anyway, let’s just say that my obsession with FB is probably the reason this blog gets so little attention.  I mean, why go through the effort of writing when I can just scroll and “like” & post what other people have written?  Where I don’t have to struggle to really express my own thoughts, I just point to someone else and say, “Yeah!  What she said!  Sort of….”  But it’s been obvious for a long time that FB is a problem for me.

I’m not sure what year I started FB, but I remember clearly the day.  Daniel was then a young teenager (he’s now almost 22) and he was playing Farmville and needed neighbors to progress.  So, I got a FB account and started playing the game.  He eventually gave it up and went onto bigger and better games, but I played for a long time giving it and FB more and more of my time and attention.  One year I gave them up for Lent because I knew it would be a real sacrifice and that helped me slow down.  In fact, most years I have given up FB for Lent.   What I’ve found, though, is that it doesn’t take long after Lent is over for me to fall back into my old habits of excessively/obsessively scrolling, even when I’ve read it all already, just in case something new has been posted or will show up in my feed.

I’ve come up with many ideas of how to control my time.  For several weeks I had a timer set on my phone that would go off at 9:30 pm to remind me to shut down the computer.  Unfortunately, I would shut it off and say, “I just have to finish this post” and, voila!  1:30 am would all of sudden appear on my computer clock.  There have also been many times I’ve neglected work or been late because I was writing a post (I didn’t always just re-post). But the two things that have really convicted my heart on this issue have been my spiritual life and my family.

Each one of us has 24 hours in each day.  Those hours should be spent doing things worth doing.  What defines “worth doing?”  Although some things are required (eat & sleep, a job), the rest is up to each one to decide, however I should hope that each one would prioritize God and family above all else.  For me, that had gotten badly skewed.

When one struggles to find time for prayer, but not Facebook, that’s a problem.  When one gets irritated with the interruptions of the kids because they interfere with following an online conversation, there is something very wrong about that.  As a Christian, my first attention is to be given to God.  My vocation as wife and mother comes after that and nothing else should usurp fulfilling the responsibilities of my state in life (given me by God).

For a long time I have justified my time on FB by saying that I am staying connected with family and friends.  After all, I live in a rather isolated corner of the world and a long way from all of my family.  But the reality is that very little of my time is spent keeping up on their lives.  It’s mostly re-posting funny or meaningful (to me) memes and videos.  Sure, there have been some good things, but mostly it’s just adding more information into my already-over-saturated brain.  And although I have friends who see FB as a valuable way to engage in political and spiritual conversations, I have yet to see such conversations make any real difference in people’s lives.  Meaningful conversation requires just that–conversation.  FB is not conversation.

In the last couple of years it has entered my mind on more than one occasion that the only way this is going to stop is if I delete my account. So what made me finally do it?  I guess it was just one night too many going to bed at 2 am for no other reason than I was endlessly scrolling FB.  I knew when I saw the time on the clock that it meant I wouldn’t get enough sleep, my personal prayer time would most likely not happen at 6 am as it needs to, and I would be fighting grumpiness and wanting to gorge carbs all day.  And then I recalled the wonderful two and half days my daughters and I spent at a convent this past week.

The rhythm of life, the priority of prayer, the work that is done on a regular basis without rushing to constantly “catch up.”  The Sisters of St. Francis Dillingham are an active order and many work full-time in healthcare and teaching, yet they accomplish so much because life’s priorities are firmly set and, despite interruptions, they stick to their priorities and eliminate those things that detract from them.  One sister has a blog and is on FB, but only for the purpose of the blog.  She is careful to be on it as little as necessary for her work.

While I was there I found myself relieved to be without FB or any other online distractions.  I checked e-mail and kept my phone with me for texts because my sons were at home juggling job, chores, etc. so the girls and I could go.  But I realized as well how weary I am of all the constant information, interruption, and distraction that the internet has become for me.  So, as I got out of the shower last night I thought, “I need to deactivate my account.  Well, in the morning since I’ve already shut down the computer.”  And then I thought, “No. Now.”

As I sat searching FB settings to find where to deactivate, I considered leaving a message up for a couple of days before deleting the account.  Then I thought, “No.  I need to do this now.  Anyone who really needs to keep in contact with me knows where I am.  And, besides, an alcoholic doesn’t make the round of the bars announcing he’s going dry to his old drinking buddies.  He quits and leaves the lifestyle that contributes to his addiction behind.  It’s time to be done.”

And so, FB is now a thing of my past.  An interesting thing happened already when I was reading an article from my e-mail.  For the first time I realized I was reading it just for the enjoyment of reading it without considering if I should post it.  It was rather relaxing, actually.

Thinking Ahead

Years ago I learned that one reason the Amish made the decision to eschew electricity was because they felt it would fragment the family, even within the home itself. With an easy way to light the rest of the home, family members would be more likely to go do something on their own rather than spend their evenings together as a family.  Although there were other reasons as well, it impressed me that that kind of long-term thinking was applied to such a decision.  Now another one of those decisions has been made in our culture, one that has surprised many.

The college my oldest son attends made national news this summer for making the decision to not accept Federal Financial Aid for or from its students.  In other words, anyone wishing to attend Wyoming Catholic College will not do so with the help of Pell Grants, Federal student loans, or any other aid option offered by the Federal government.

The acceptance of Federal aid could have brought in in the neighborhood of $700,000 to the school, no small amount for a young, growing institution only ten years old.  It would have made financial aid easier for students and, most likely, there will be potential students who will opt to attend elsewhere due to this decision.  However, like most of the parents of students, we are 100% in agreement with the unanimous decision of the WCC Board of Directors.

We have, unfortunately, come to a place in our country where the government has become more and more intrusive into people’s most closely held religious convictions.  One example is the HHS mandate that requires all employers to provide contraceptive coverage to their employees regardless of the employer’s religious and moral beliefs.  Since the government could have provided free contraception in some other manner, the Supreme Court has consistently voted against the HHS Department in the cases brought before it because it is an undue burden on religious freedom.  Now we have the legalization of same-sex “marriage” and few thinking people doubt that soon there will be lawsuits to force employers of any kind to hire homosexual/lesbian workers even when such lifestyle choices violate the faith of those who own the companies.

WCC is doing what it can to stay out of the Federal web of power.  There may still be battles to be fought, but money won’t be able to be used for leverage.  Another fore-thinking decision that will help preserve a valuable institution.

http://www.wyomingcatholiccollege.com/news/article/index.aspx?LinkId=209&ModuleId=35

Dynamic Catholic

DCHoliness

I’d like to recommend a source of encouragement during Lent.  It’s Dynamic Catholic’s Best Lent Ever series.  Matthew Kelly is a transplanted Australian who writes and encourages people to be “the best version of yourself;” the person God created you to be.  His series for Lent comes via e-mail and is usually a thoughtful quote or a short video.  Check it out!  You’ll be glad you did!

Embracing Change

Embrace Change

How are you doing with your New Year’s resolutions?  Did you make any?  Perhaps, like me, you lost the fascination with resolution-making a long time ago when the sense of failure began before the end of December 31st.  Perhaps it’s because I’ve made so many plans in my life that have either not gone as I’d hoped or just simply failed that I tend to avoid making resolutions.  However, having a “try it and see how it goes” perspective doesn’t really work either if a person desires lasting change.  So, this year, I’ve decided to try something different:  I’m embracing change, one month at a time, without getting hung up on making The Great Plan That Cannot Be Changed.  Here’s how it works for me:

Each month I’m choosing one thing I’d like to see changed or at least improved and moving in the right direction.  Whether I tick it off at the end of the month as accomplished really isn’t of great concern to me.  And I’m also leaving open the option to change it if it seems there is opportunity for a better direction.  After all, with twelve months in a year, I can always move a project to another month.

For example, January was supposed to be the month I finally got my old books on ebay to sell.  I’ve been dragging my feet on that project for a long time because I’m intimidated by the process and the unknowns of it.  Well, I did watch the ebay instruction videos in January on how to do this, but I haven’t listed anything yet.  Why?  Because in January Emily decided she didn’t want the big roll-top desk in her room anymore.

I’ve been desperate for some kind of office space for a long time with no success in getting anything to work long-term.  Here was the perfect opportunity–a desk large enough to handle my needs, attractive enough to be in the living room (the only practical spot in the house for an office for me), and has a beautiful roll-top that can be shut at a moment’s notice to hide any paper mess that needs to be hidden!  (As opposed to my kitchen counter that usually had the mountain of paper on it.)  So, January turned into “make me an office” month rather than “list books on ebay month.”  And, in truth, that’s what I’ve needed most.  It’s incredible how much headache that desk has eliminated for me (and my counter!).  A good start for the year.

February’s project has been to eat more healthfully and tone down the sugar intake.  That’s a big one for me!  I have completely eliminated sugar before and ended up gaining ten pounds the moment I started eating it again, so I know radical change like that is a definite “no.”  Besides, when God created food He said it was good, so I’m not going to argue!:-)  My problem is eating too much and eating to relieve stress, so eating healthfully means choosing better foods, smaller portions, and knowing why I’m eating.  Has this been a resounding success yet?  Nope.  However, I have come to realize how attached to food I am and see more clearly what it is going to take for me to turn food back into a pleasure rather than an obsession.  So, February isn’t a fail, it’s part of a long journey of healing.  I want food to become to me what coffee and wine are:  A pleasure to be enjoyed without “having” to have it.

When I started the New Year and got to thinking about resolutions, the only thing that came to my mind was “embrace change.”  I realized that change is often assumed to be scary.  But, I’m ready for change.  Perhaps it’s being in mid-life or perhaps it’s simply realizing that there’s nothing dignified about never changing and acting as though the way I am now and have been is just fine.  Matthew Kelly of Dynamic Catholic encourages people to “become the best version of yourself,” the version God had in mind when He created me.  To become that requires change, and change can be an adventure rather than a scary proposition.  So, that’s where I am, embracing change; one month at a time.

Nativity and Epiphany

The_Magi_Henry_Siddons_Mowbray_1915

One of the things I love about being Catholic is the liturgical calendar. Liturgical seasons were something completely unknown to me before except as a vague notion that some churches had them.  In our church we celebrated Christmas and Easter (and very beautifully, I might add!), but there weren’t any other officially recognized days to be celebrated.  However, in the Catholic Church, there are oodles of feast days, fast days, solemnities, and reasons to be reminded of the life of Our Lord and why He came to earth as a very human baby.

This past Sunday we celebrated the solemnity of the Holy Family and as we heard part of the account of the birth of Christ, I pondered on something I don’t think many people have considered.  Who told the Four Evangelists about Bethlehem?  About the shepherds?  And angels?  Joseph’s dreams?  Today we celebrate Epiphany–the visit of the Three Wise Men to the newborn King.  Who told about it?  After all, God doesn’t use miracles when normal means are available.

Who told about Gabriel’s visit to Zechariah and to Mary?  About John the Baptist leaping in his mother’s womb?  Or about Simeon’s prophecy and Anna’s joy?  Or about Jesus disappearing for three days in Jerusalem at the age of 12?  Who related what actually happened at Cana?  Even though the disciples were there, that doesn’t mean they were in on the conversation between Jesus and Mary or knew what instructions He gave the servants.

Often objections to the beliefs and teachings about Mary are raised because she doesn’t have a prominent place in Scripture, but perhaps that’s because we’ve missed the obvious.  Scripture tells us that Mary treasured, or hid, these things in her heart.  She didn’t tell anybody at the time, she simply kept them to herself.

However, Mary knew and was known by the disciples while they traveled with Jesus.  Can’t you just hear them around the fire some night asking her for stories about Jesus?

“Mary, your turn, tell us a story!”

“Yes, tell us one on Jesus this time!”

Smiling, she might have looked at Jesus and said, “Well, there was the time He gave His father and I the scare of our lives!”

Jesus would have chuckled, looking at His mother with tender love, but also a little embarrassment at the scare He had unwittingly given them at the tender age of twelve.

“Tell on, Mother!  At least you can smile over it now!”

“Well, it was the time of Passover the year Jesus was twelve and we were all in Jerusalem…”

Did they tease Jesus a little for scaring His mother?  And what wonder they must have felt when she told His explanation for His absence.

Since today is Epiphany, I wonder what their reaction was when she told about the Magi’s visit, the dreams of warning given to them and to Joseph about Herod, and their flight into Egypt?  What was the sense in the atmosphere when they realized that Jesus was born in Bethlehem–the only man his age who was born there?  Remember, all other male children were killed by Herod.  There were no other Bethlehemite men Jesus’ age.  What a sobering connection for the disciples to make when they heard it.  At what point was Mary finally able to quietly tell the story, realizing that her Child alone lived while the others died.  She and Joseph didn’t know all of Herod’s plan; they only knew he would search for Jesus.  They couldn’t warn the others in town because they never imagined what Herod would do.  What horror did she feel when she heard of it?  Did she weep as she recounted the story?

When I read the scriptures, these are things I think about.  After all, Jesus was a real man who lived a real life in a real town with real human emotions, experiences, troubles, joys, etc.  Mary reminds us that this is the reality.  In fact, I believe God put her in the scriptures, in history, in our own lives to remind us that Jesus was not an abstract idea or glorified super-person in history, but a real Man, a real Savior.  He is fully God and fully Man–a real Man, with a mother whom He loved deeply and who He shares with all of us who call Him our brother.  And, like any good mother, Mary told the stories of the family’s history and memories.  Just because no one gave her credit for it shouldn’t bother us.  After all, the apostles never name themselves as the authors of their books either except in indirect ways.  None of them were in it for the glory or the publishing credit, but to bring the Gospel to every person in the world.

As we celebrate these feast days, remember that this is the reason the Church reminds us every year of the life of our Lord and why He came:  To continue to share the Gospel with every person who still needs to know that there’s a Savior, come from Heaven above, born of a virgin, raised by parents, who lived as a man, and who died to pay for our sins and conquer death by rising from it, so that Heaven’s doors could be opened to all who will believe.  Let’s share the story as Mary did.